I met the friendliest cop last night
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
