Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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