Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
