You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
