did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
