A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
