have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just gift wrapped bread.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
