He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize