I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize