remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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