wat bout pragnant strippers??
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
