I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
