Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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