She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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