im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
