So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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