idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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