New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
