Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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