worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
