we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
