I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
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Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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