That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
