Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
