someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
