we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
