can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
