new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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