I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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