haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
