hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
