How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
