All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
