I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
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Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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