Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize