What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
