saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
