I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
