Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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