I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
