Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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