So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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