I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
