he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
