No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
