Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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