this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
