Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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