He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
