Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
4 words: hood of his car
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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