Too much gin, very little bucket
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
