Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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