i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
