he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
