I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
