He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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