Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
