i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
