So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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