There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
