someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
