I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
