My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
