Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
