the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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