it hurts more in the daytime
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
