i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize