Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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