I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
