morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
