i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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