just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We need to get me chipped asap
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
