Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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