The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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