I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
