he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
