went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
