she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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