i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
