the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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